Sora Gives Birth to Goofy's Spawn
by ham on italian bread w cheese
Summary: In this scandalous tale, Sora gives birth to his and Goofy's love child while recalling the horrible events of the Vietnam war. Surprise fan cameo at the end!


"Push, Sora, push!" Goofy screamed in the young lad's ear, rapidly unzipping and rezipping his zippers to keep him focused on his task. Sora was laid flat against an operating table in the middle of a dark alleyway, the best accommodations that Goofy was able to provide on such short notice. Still, it would have to do. The hospital wouldn't let them back in after Daffy went in for an STI and somehow ended up infecting the entire maternity ward with it.

"I'm pushing, you fucking Jew-nosed piece of shit!" Sora yelled into Goofy's abyss of a nostril, echoing upwards through infinity towards his brain. The sound was sucked into his body like light into a black hole, and Goofy never heard a single word of it, leading him to continue screeching into Sora's ear with rapidly diminishing comprehensibility.

"Baby out, baby out!" was all that Goofy was capable of saying at this point, his face shoved between Sora's knees and his eyes fixed on his baby hole. That delightful orifice was at approximately 50% dilation now, with Sora's legs stretched completely flat in a split that would impress any athlete. They would have to touch his ears if their child was ever to escape his womb prison, and it was unlikely that Sora would recover. It was an acceptable loss.

"Graaaugh," mumbled Sora's spawn, its quiet voice muffled even further by the layers of flesh that still covered its mouth. The fact that all the sounds it made sounded like an antelope dying (and the fact that all the ultrasounds had formed pictures of Bill Cosby for some inexplicable reason) made it difficult to determine its gender. That didn't matter, though, as Goofy and Sora had decided that they would not assign it a gender at birth. After all, it was 2017, the year of true progression.

"I can't stretch any further, Goofy. You have to get the Jaws of Life," Sora said in a flat tone, having transcended physical sensation and achieved Nirvana in order to survive the agonizing experience he was undergoing. Goofy nodded solemnly in response, shuffling around in some boxes under the operating table and drawing out a gigantic hydraulic spreader.

"Gorsh, Sora, prepare your anus!" Goofy hollered, shoving the tip of the tool into Sora's baby hole, conveniently located between his anus and TURGID ROD. Sliding a car battery out of one of his many pockets, Goofy hooked up the cables on the back of the spreader to the terminals. Even in Sora's elevated state of consciousness, he was only able to remain lucid for a few moments before plunging into the depths of his own mind to escape the pain.

Suddenly, Sora found himself back where he first met Goofy, on board a chopper headed over Vietnam. The year was 1963. He and Goofy were squadmates, part of a specially trained unit and some of the select few that were told the true purpose of the war; they were out to demolish the Jewish dictatorship that had established itself there, before they were able to spread their grubby tendrils out over the entire world.

The radio crackled, and the harsh voice of their commander filled the chopper. "Alright, boys! Your mission is to take out one of the enemy commandos, Goldberg Shekelstein, before the Heebs set him loose on our boys down in Go Cong. He's armed and dangerous, more dangerous than anything we've put you up against so far. Use whatever tactics you need to, just take him out."

The transmission cut out before they could get a word in edgewise, not that any of his squad would dare to. They knew what they signed up for, and they knew that it was unlikely that any of them were going to come back alive. If they could hold off Goldberg for just a few minutes, though, they knew that they'd have paid back their country all the millions of dollars that had been put into their training and gear.

"Alright, boys, suit up and drop down!" the pilot yelled from the cockpit, and Sora watched as all of his squad hopped into their suits of powered armour and dropped down towards the ground, activating their jetpacks to steer themselves safely through the trees. They went one by one, until it was only him and Goofy left.

"Good luck, sarge, hyuck hyuck!" Goofy hyucked, before doing a backflip out of the chopper and lowering himself gently to the ground with his jetpack. He had accepted his fate on his mission, and he was going about it with style. The display made Sora chuckle, and gave him hope. Sora leaped out after him, trailing behind the path of smoke that he had left behind.

His memory began to blur. It was hard for Sora to remember what happened after that, both due to him blocking the memory out and the hydraulic spreader currently tearing apart his taint to rescue his brood. His eyes flickered open just a sliver, and for a moment, all he could see was blood. Goofy's efforts between his legs seemed to have opened an essential artery, which was now spraying the stuff everywhere with incredible force.

"Gorsh, Sora, sorry about that. Want me to kiss it better?" Sora began to respond, but a loud, gurgling cry interrupted him, accompanied by a shooting pain throughout his entire body and the sound of ripping muscle. It was much louder this time, and he figured that his—their—child had managed to pull his head free from his YAWNING CREVICE.

"Mllr... muorg... mah mah..." the entity between his legs muttered, its voice sounding like a lamprey given speech. It was one of the most beautiful and terrifying things Goofy had ever experienced, and he screeched out of pure delight. Sora craned his neck in an attempt to look upon the fruit of his womb, but a sudden epileptic fit forced him back down onto the table. He was not much longer for this world.

"Just a little more, Sora. Do it for our baby!" Goofy screamed, thick black tears streaming from his eyes and splattering over Sora's bare thighs. Sora couldn't respond, his mind was elsewhere, forced back a few dozen years back to those fateful days in the jungles.

The trees unfolded before him, the scent of the burning flesh grew in strength like he had opened a can of rotten meat. All those repressed memories suddenly came flooding back in an instant, come to greet him just before he left this mortal coil. He was trudging through the undergrowth, his ammo nearly dry and all of his squadmates dead or MIA. Their target, Goldberg, wasn't even there. The whole thing was a set up by the Jews, clever use of an inside man to take out one of their most experienced surgical strike teams. He had no doubt that they'd already wiped his team's name from the books back at the base.

"Sarge!" The voice of one of his men cut through the trees, and Sora recognized it as Goofy's. He ran as fast as he could to its source, using the last of his jetpack fuel to glide the last few meters. Pushing aside an entire tree with one swipe of his mighty armoured first, Sora revealed the source of the cries. It was definitely Goofy, and he was tied up by what looked vines. He was also buck naked, and sporting a massive HARD ON.

"Sarge, help! I fell for one of the Heebs' traps!" Sora ran over and started to reach for the vines, hoping to untie them, but Goofy screamed a racial slur at him with such volume that the trees shook to stop him. "No, sarge, it's not that type of trap. The only way you can disarm it without killing us both is by taking my dong in your baby hole!"

"Sora, wake up!" Sora awoke to the sensation of Goofy's finger rapidly entering and exiting his mouth, as well as a strong feeling of emptiness. He stared into the eyes of his lover, speechless for a moment, before asking him a question.

"Goofy, where babbu?" Sora gibbered, sending flecks of spittle across Goofy's face, which he promptly licked up.

"Look, like, five inches to your left and you'll see it." Sora followed his command, and sure enough, there was their child hovering approximately two-and-a-half feet in the air next to his head.

The baby was difficult to describe. It had the general shape of a human, but perhaps even that was too generous. It was more accurate to say it was like a hominid, hunched over with humongous forearms like that of a gorilla, but tiny legs that would be more fitting for a chimpanzee. Its entire body was covered in a thick, green slime that barely distracted from its jet black skin, covered in swollen bumps that seemed to wiggle and pulse slightly. Its face had all the features of a human, but in the wrong positions and in far larger amounts than there should've been. Sora counted three eyes covering its forehead, and dozens of smaller, beadier ones lining its cheeks, as well as one huge, sideways mouth in the middle of its forehead. The whole thing jerked and wriggled unnaturally, as if it were being manipulated like a puppet by some unseen force. They stared at each other for a moment, Sora frozen in shock and his child constantly shifting. The child spoke first, opening its mouth with a disgusting tearing noise and uttering three words in a hushed, wet tone.

"Hi, I'm twelvewildkangaroos."


End file.
